Heart of the Matter Blog

The Healing and Wholeness of Your Mind

Few people realize that health and healing are all about becoming more whole. When the body falls apart, its health falls apart. The same is true for the mind. That’s right – sometimes the mind doesn’t develop into an integrated state in the first place or it’s wholeness gets broken apart by hardships and traumas of life. Most people don’t understand what “wholeness of mind” actually means or how to restore it once it becomes divided. But it’s not difficult to understand, so I’ll explain. In many ways, the subconscious mind is just like a family. Consider a family of

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Six Secrets to Healing Your Mind

The first secret to healing your mind is to know that it is actually possible. This shouldn’t be a secret at all, but most people don’t realize their minds can heal. Healing is a word that psychologists rarely use. In fact, the word “healing” isn’t even in the lexicon of our education or training. Instead of healing people, we are taught how to treat conditions, usually targeting specific symptoms or behavioral dysfunctions. But the distinctions between treating and healing are meaningful in terms of their depth and permanence. Though most therapists are not trained to heal, there are models for

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Who Do You Think You Are?

How well do you think you know yourself? You may have to think again because, in truth, personal identity is much more complicated than most people understand. Who you are is much more than your name, age, family status, education, occupation, ethnicity, skin color, sexual orientation, religion, or any other demographic. It includes your personality as well as your different moods. You also have to take into consideration the different ways you present yourself in diverse environments—like home, school, work, church, around relatives, at parties, and even in the bedroom. These are all aspects of your identity. And there’s more

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A Better Way to Tame Your Inner Judge

Your dreaded inner Judge. Everyone has one (save for the sociopaths). It’s that internal voice of criticism, demand, disapproval. Seldom, if ever, will your Judge lavish you with praise. That’s not its job. The Judge exists for the sole purpose of controlling you. It sets the standards, declares the shoulds and shouldn’ts, watches you like a hawk, and castigates you when expectations are not met. Our inner Judges use the power of judgement to induce fear, guilt, shame and self-loathing in order to control us. Sure, we need to control ourselves, but why must this be done in such hurtful ways? And why,

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Selfish or Self-Caring?

Selfish or Self-Caring?None of us wants to be seen as selfish, even though it’s normal to feel and behave selfishly at times. This might be something as simple as eating more than our fair share of the Oreos or hogging the TV remote. But we understand that selfishness is not an acceptable part of the social contract. Selfishness is taboo enough to make us feel guilty, ashamed, and fearful of social disapproval. So, it’s best not to be selfish. But is the better alternative to be selfless? One advantage of selflessness is that it’s more likely to win favor than

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Confidence, Pride, Ego and Self-Esteem

We all want to be confident. Most of us would like to be proud. Few of us want to be seen as egotistical, and everyone needs to have good self-esteem. But how are these experiences different, and how much control do we have over them? The answer to the second question is—quite a bit. But let’s begin by discussing how they are different. Confidence comes from the wonderful feeling of being capable. Some people are naturally confident regardless of how capable they may actually be. Others lack confidence even though they are highly capable. But most people feel confident in

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